Boundaries are the #1 thing that I learned to APPLY here at SR. I read some books as well and I lovingly shared my life plan and boundaries with my A before his last relapse.
Recovery brings focus... laser sharp... and 3 months before he picked up the drink that violated my no alcohol boundary and severed our relationship forever I saw that drink coming closer and closer.
And...every day I thought about my boundary and had my life plan in place if and when it happened. I saw that our relationship was on life support because he had abandoned recovery and was white knucking his sobriety. I didn't start controlling and "forcing" recovery action and for the first time stayed in my own hula hoop and poured concrete in my line in the sand and kept reinforcing that the first drink was the last one I would live with.
And when the day came and he relapsed I was mentally and emotionally ready and packed him for the 10th time and went nc... but this time I didn't even listen to the quacks or weaken!
And that is how it worked for me .... alanon, counseling and SR! It's good stuff for the soul.