The remaining questions assume I am going to Al-Anon meetings. I have learned here that the meetings are helpful but not necessary. I do go to counseling and I do have medicine available when needed. Thankfully, I am more afraid of the medicine than I am of how I feel when I don't take them. Each day I am learning more.
I have gone from participating in the forum to just reading them. For me, I learn more by listening rather than talking. There are so many people here that I cannot be so arrogant as to think that my voice is necessary.
Do I make demands on God, praying for a specific result rather than trusting God to know which defect is most important to remove?
I think that is what all this is about. Where all this goes will be determined by factors I don't have control over. In my situation, I am physically safe and financially stable; her alcoholism threatens neither. I could have more money if it wasn't spent on alcohol and it's problems but I can pay the rent and eat. I have been agonizing my assumptions about my wedding vows and my personal moral responsibility to my wife...alcoholism notwithstanding. I wrote about that in a blog where I am at a crossroads. I can't have my cake and eat it too. Either I leave to create a peaceful environment to live out my days, or I stay and create a peaceful environment within myself.
To do the latter means I must embrace the idea of "Let Go and Let God" I thought loving detachment was giving up. It is...but not giving up on her but rather giving up the control and giving it to my higher power.