Interesting question - what do we want from them?
My husband is the alcoholic in my life (aside from a family member and a dear friend). What do I want from him? I got an apology, recognition of the devastation of the drinking on our family (sort of), but no sustained change. He still thinks and reacts like an addict - the world revolves around him. It is very difficult to have a relationship with someone who thinks this way. I understand your SD wanting to draw a hard line with no contact. I imagine she feels her life is unmanageable if she doesn't. Just like the rest of us.
I don't want anything anymore - just to be left alone so me and my girls can heal and move on to the next chapter of our lives. Maybe that is where your SD is at, even at her age. My youngest is 14, and I know she has had enough drama. She made that very clear!!
I know this is a young age, but I think we grown ups tend to be more jaded than the younger folks, and they see things more clearly then we do. Respect her wishes, and drop the subject entirely unless she brings it up. She may be 13, but obviously she is a bright, in tune with herself young lady. And she has you and her Dad to thank for that someday - for giving her the stability she doesn't get with Mom.