Originally Posted by
LaTeeDa 
It's great that you're taking a break. It does sound a little bit like you are taking a break from caretaking a drunk to caretaking others, though. I hope you use the time you have to really take care of yourself and find the time to look inside, as well.
As far as setting rules for him to follow while you are away, consider this. Every time I set up conditions for my AH to meet in order for me to stay, he met them. Stop drinking, go to counseling, etc, etc. My guess is, he knows what he needs to to, he's just choosing not to. If you set up conditions for him to meet, he will likely meet them, but the outcome won't be what you are wanting. A's are really good at going through the motions, and then saying "hey, I did everything you wanted, what's the problem?"
If he wants to change, he will. If he doesn't, he won't. That's the bottom line. You can't control it. Your mental energy is much better spent figuring out what you want and deciding if this is it.
L
Good points, thank you. Well, I don't think I'll actually be caretaking in FL as much as I think. My uncle can drive my grandfather around but if my grandmother has surgery I can shuttle people back and forth the hospital or I can just keep her company. My grandmother doesn't like help anyway, I think she'll just enjoy us visiting. I just can't stay with them because she'll try to serve us and spoil my kid rotten with soda and crappy food, LOL!
I do understand what you're saying about whether he wants to change. Should I just tell him to think about what he wants for his family or give him some points or just not even bother? And, you're right. He's even said to me, "Just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it." I said, "It's not about what I want you to do, that's not going to solve anything because it's not a damn checklist." He just doesn't see it and I'm getting tired of wasting my mental energy on him because it's pretty obvious he doesn't spend any mental energy on me.