Originally Posted by
lizatola 
I'm considering asking him to get help while I'm gone: counseling, AA, whatever so that I at least know he's not sitting around doing nothing while I'm gone. When I come back, I will assess how I feel and how he is and then make some decisions about whether a separation is in order or whether I can live with the choices he's making.
It's great that you're taking a break. It does sound a little bit like you are taking a break from caretaking a drunk to caretaking others, though. I hope you use the time you have to really take care of yourself and find the time to look inside, as well.
As far as setting rules for him to follow while you are away, consider this. Every time I set up conditions for my AH to meet in order for me to stay, he met them. Stop drinking, go to counseling, etc, etc. My guess is, he knows what he needs to to, he's just choosing not to. If you set up conditions for him to meet, he will likely meet them, but the outcome won't be what you are wanting. A's are really good at going through the motions, and then saying "hey, I did everything you wanted, what's the problem?"
If he wants to change, he will. If he doesn't, he won't. That's the bottom line. You can't control it. Your mental energy is much better spent figuring out what you want and deciding if this is it.
L