lizatola

Well, it's not until July. I'm planning on going to FL to be near my grandmother and my son can train for his tennis with an old coach in Delray Beach. He'll also get to play in a HUGE tournament that happens there every summer and he's been begging me since last year if he can enter it this year anyway. It's going to cost a LOT of money since my grandmother sold her second car and since I will not stay with her this time. She needs heart surgery and I'm hoping that I will be there afterwards so I can help my 89 year old grandfather around. My uncle, who has a growth disorder and developmental problems, also lives with them. If we were to stay with them, I feel that it will be too much for her because she loves to DO stuff with us and cater to us, etc.

Anyway, I kept feeling this pull to get away. Every time AH drives on his suspended license or makes comments about it I get enraged. He says he doesn't care about his son's emotions anymore. He really doesn't seem to care about what kind of example he's setting, just like he was when the drinking was getting out of control. Well, he wanted to do what he wanted to do and screw the consequences. So, I'm going to FL and I say 'screw the consequences!'

It's funny. Last night my AH and I had dinner together, although we barely spoke but he did bring up the FL thing. He made a comment about wanting to go back to MD to visit with his mom in August because his brother and sister are dropping the ball(his dad just died a few weeks ago). Then, he says, "Well, we have to see how much YOUR summer travel is going to cost us. I might not spend the money to go." At that point, I nearly blew a gasket right there at the table. Ummm, Mr. DUI is making comments about me spending thousands on summer travel??? How about saying this, "I probably shouldn't go visit my mom this summer since my DUI cost us 8 grand already. Maybe I should find a new customer at work so I can make that income back so that I can go visit my mom?"

It's like I sometimes get the feeling that he doesn't even acknowledge the fact that he got the DUI. I have decided that I'm going to tell him that I'm not just going to FL for grandmother and for tennis. I am going because I need a break from his insanity. I'm considering asking him to get help while I'm gone: counseling, AA, whatever so that I at least know he's not sitting around doing nothing while I'm gone. When I come back, I will assess how I feel and how he is and then make some decisions about whether a separation is in order or whether I can live with the choices he's making.