Old 05-23-2012, 09:46 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
LaTeeDa
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Originally Posted by lizatola View Post
In all honestly the answer is YES. Sad to admit it. He has said that he wants me to be happy. He knows I don't want to listen to him or talk with him anymore and says that I don't want to hear what he has to say. Most of that is because he's never positive and most of his conversations revolve around the government, how other people are infringing on his rights, how his company is screwing him once again, etc.

He pretty much told me that the world has beaten him down and that he has nothing to look forward to. He's been like this for years and I always thought, "Wow, retirement's gonna suck with him." Technically, I know the answer but I keep plugging along thinking that he's going to miraculously do a 180. I had thought that the DUI was going to be a turning point for him. All it did was remove the alcohol from the situation, it didn't really wake him up.

What's sad is that he talks so badly about all his good Christian friends, people who have known him for years(some since grade school) and he constantly throws them under the bus. He talks badly about his family, he doesn't really have any good relationships there either. He is more loving towards the dog than towards any other human.

The one thing that really keeps me here is that he doesn't tear me down in front of others. He builds me up and talks highly of me to his work associates and to his tennis friends. I know he has good qualities and when I see them peek through, that's when I get hopeful.
I'm here to tell you that it doesn't work. Sacrificing happiness NOW for happiness LATER is an illusion. All we have is now. That's it. I'm also here to tell you that your child only gets one childhood. Putting him through anxiety is NEVER worth it. My biggest regrets in life are the things I allowed my children to be subjected to. They didn't have a choice, but I did. And I made the wrong one for many years. I can't take that back now, although often I wish I could. I love my children with all my heart and it pains me to think that I put my "marriage" above them for so many years. Especially when I see what kind of "marriage" it was. Hindsight is 20/20, as they say. There are no do-overs in parenting.

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