"Maybe I'm just plain afraid of raising my son alone? Maybe I don't want to get a full time job soon? Maybe I'm emotionally attached to his sickness and don't know how to exist without it?"
I'd say the above.
Unfortunately, some women decide to stay in a bad marriage "For Their Children". They don't realize the severe psychological damage this enviornment causes their children.
A child would rather have one sober loving parent in a reduced material circumstances rather than be exposed to the turmoil and unrest of addiction.
I lived in a house of alcoholics...it was not a home...it was 4 walls of fear and unrest...I prayed everyday that someone would come and rescue me and my brother...no one did..
I still bear the scars today. I am sure that your son is anxious, I was too, children internalyze their fears.
I feel sad when I read your rationalizations for staying, of coarse, I am looking at it from the eyes of the child within me....one who lived it.