Thank you all for the replies and sharing. My counselor asked me yesterday to make a list of the pros and cons of leaving in relation to our son and what he is and isn't getting from being exposed to AH. I haven't started the work yet and maybe I'm afraid to.
These are the reasons I stay, not just related to our son:
1.Financial benefit, not having to split up our income or assets
2.the ability to homeschool our son who has Tourette's, ADHD, and processing issues. I can teach to his ability and level. He is also very sensitive about his tics and cries when kids give him dirty looks, etc. I'm just not sure he's cut out for a large public school.
3.We just bought a new home and have put a lot into it and I'm not ready to give it up yet.
4.I've put a lot of myself into this marriage and I'm not ready to give that up yet, either.
5. I still love my husband, despite how crazy he is acting.
6. Our son has anxiety issues and only is comfortable staying home alone for a few hours at a time so I think this overwhelms me sometimes especially if I need to find work.
7. I feel that I can control the negative environment that my son is exposed to better by living together than I can if we live apart. I already know how my AH is; prejudiced, hateful, negative, distrustful of humanity, sets the wrong example, would let our son watch crap on TV, etc. I'd have to de-program the kid every time he left AH's presence. At least, with us living together I can control the environment and remove our son from detrimental conversations and influences from AH.
Honestly, number 7 should probably be number 1. I remember saying this to a therapist years ago, before the drinking even started again. I mean, I know I can't control everything but I believe it's my duty as mom to protect my kid from negative influences and I feel that I can do that better by staying in the same house with AH, even though it's not a healthy marriage.
Did any of this make sense? I feel like I'm trying to make sense out of a senseless situation, LOL!