Why am I so bent on keeping marriage alive?
Maybe I have a "never quit" attitude? Maybe I'm just plain afraid of raising my son alone? Maybe I don't want to get a full time job soon? Maybe I'm emotionally attached to his sickness and don't know how to exist without it?
All these questions plague me tonight. He said some things tonight that I'm trying to examine and figure out how much truth there was to it. At one point he told me that he doesn't give a flip about our son's emotions. He reiterated that point and said that our son is too sensitive for a 13 year old(not true by the way, I've seen worse with some of his friends in tears sometimes) and that he's just like me(I take that as a compliment). I really was blown away by him saying that he just doesn't care about his own child's emotions! That really hit home with me.
He said he's waiting for the day when I throw him out. He can't talk to me because I take everything wrong. You know, like tonight when he tried to justify driving on his suspended license and said that I am making too big of a deal over it. It's just 2 miles to the store, how bad can that be? He won't possibly get caught.
He also challenged me and said, "What? Are you going to rat on me to the cops? I never rat on anybody, that's crap." Ummm, so I asked him, "What if you saw neighborhood kids tagging the park equipment? You're saying you wouldn't call the cops?" He said, "Nope. I don't tell on anyone." Oh brother! Seriously, I swear he's lost his memory and is going insane. He called the cops many times on some of the neighborhood kids at our old house. Then he brought up the fact that I was 'thinking about calling him in as a drunk driver the night he got popped' but I said, "Yeah, but I didn't have to because you got caught before I made that call." So, he says, "Yea, but you were going to. You were going to rat me out." I guess protecting innocent lives on the street isn't a good idea and that he thinks less of me because I was 'thinking' of calling the cops. I get no credit for NOT doing it, and of course I really don't care and now I'm really ticked that I didn't actually call it in. It's insanity and I sit here and wonder why I stick around? UGH!