Wow!
I only got as few hours sleep but thanks for all the replies guys and gals.
M1k3, your situation sounds identical to my situation. We would have had 40 years this September, when I will also have two years sobriety thanks to SR and a few months in AA. Yep I have been enabling her and have already set us up for life to never have to work again but it looks like I am going to have to break all that up and sell it all and split the proceeds. I have been trying to ignore it and realized that there is no peace of mind possible with a mean mouthed victim in the room who goes off nightly almost and thinks I am a verbal whipping post because I won't physically STOP her with violence. I did a lot of reading about men who are victims and found that many have stayed too long and responded to their verbal and physical attacks in kind and been labeled the aggressors.
I am not getting my due for past abuse, I was the steady drinker that no one could tell had so much to drink, no abuse, no stumbling, no binge drinking just a steady two to three drinks an hour from sunup to midnight. I was and am a sweet guy without a mean bone in my body. I am not damaged in my self esteem, nor afraid of her. I just have difficulty believing she wants what is about to happen to her. But I want to be free of the nightly 7:30 to 8:30 at the latest nightly really juvenile attempts to pick a fight. I guess what I am saying is that I have gone from concern and trying to help her, (enabling) to seeing her for the pathetic creature she has allowed herself to become.
The best way I can put it is that it is like we are the only two in an elevator and she passes gas. Then thinks she can convince me I did it. I can't believe the unimportant things she lies about daily.
Oh well, I just needed to know there was life after late life divorce. And despite all the lack of talk I see readily apparent there are one or two websites that give the excellent advice of never letting them push to the point of striking. Then it appears we are always wrong and the woman becomes a statistic. Mine is such a drama queen that she would love being a statistic and a victim. She will never realize she is safe because I would not give her the satisfaction. The very sad part is that we are, to all external appearance, the perfect success story and couple. But since I set us up for life on a minimum, it all goes away when we have to split it up. My retirement and benefits are great for two, but half is less than half of what one needs. Then she can be a real victim of her own refusal to get help, help herself, or live in reality. I give up. I need to have some peace for my last twenty or thirty years of life. I think I will get an RV and take off. We've done that as a couple, now I can get a much smaller rig and do it as a single.
If anybody has any reading that is guy oriented I would appreciate some links. I am not overly depressed, nor helpless, nor struggling to gain my self respect. She has been an alcoholic since the early 80's. I drank originally to make her slow down so she could be a designated driver. I truly can't believe that but it is true. I joined her once and finally got loose.
Thanks so much for the quick sketch M1k3. I am amazed that I am not the only one in a similar position, as much as I am not surprised.
Sorry about the middle of the night expectation but we do have folks on the other side of the world here too. I waited a couple of hours then gave up.
I am not on danger of any relapse and my own sobriety remains a joy to me. I intend to keep it that way. My relationship with myself is like the hug icon.
:ghug3 I am finally going to take care of myself and let her fall where she may. She needs to find another whipping post that is willing.
I kept hoping she would try to help herself and maybe get well. I realize that isn't happening and is the linchpin of my co-dependence. I don't mind if I am needed to play a part in a comedy, or a love story. But I am through playing a part in a tragedy. That part will soon be vacant.
Now I just need the mechanics and nuts and bolts of getting away cleanly and fairly.
Thanks again folks. I'll be reading.