Gosh Anvilhead, yes you are right with your advice (as freakin' usual)
I am struggling with this today myself wanttobehappy. I feel totally controlled and manipulated by my ABF's mom and it is because she thinks I am going to take away her only grandchild if I leave. She guilts me into thinking I am some terrible person and makes it seem as if she will empower my ABF into some huge custody case if I leave, however, if I stay, I am such a 'nice girl'.
It is manipulation but it still scares me! And I haven't been to Al-Anon except for one meeting but I also don't just want to learn to cope with alcoholism. I want my son to have a normal freaking father. I don't like to fight and argue but I set myself up for it. I think I just have to get over the fear. Put one step in front of the other and just know that I am a good person and doing the best I can for me and my son.
I so understand your pain today. Sending you virtual hugs.