This one is a tough call, Zoso. She exercised forethought, planning, and execution to bring you down. It was calculated. Her intent was to emotionally blow you to pieces.
Like you, I have hurt people in the past, in a variety of situations. The most common reason I did so was immaturity. I'll bet immaturity was the primary cause in your past failings, too.
I do not think your transgressions compare to the level of her expertise and her delight in soul destruction. I know mine certainly do not.
If we forgive everyone, will that mean that moral choice is ultimately of no real value? I choose not to calculate, plan, and execute another person's soul destruction. You choose that, too.
If we don't hold others accountable for their moral choices, then what does moral choice even matter? How is goodness made distinct from evil? We all carry the capacity for both. If someone chooses evil, how can we tell our children they have to forgive that person who made that choice?
Yes, she's a drug addict. And a borderline. But Hitler had some problems in those areas, too. Personality disorder, addictive compulsions.
The man who murdered the doctor's wife and two teenage daughters in Connecticut a few years ago, a murder too vile to describe here, he was a crack addict. He also calculated, planned well in advance, and carried out their executions. I think that man is unforgivable.
There is a level of vicious intent which I think needs not ever be forgiven. It is often carried out by extremely intelligent, extremely narcissistic individuals. They are in love with power and control.
I have been hurt by alcoholics and drug addicts, but honestly, I actually always understood it. It has been classic addict behavior, straight textbook, behaviors you hear about in AA and NA meetings all the time. And described on this forum time and again. It is rarely related to evil.
Your exagf, she carefully gathered her ammunition and her weapon, she set up her scope, she aimed precisely at you, and she fired.
I don't think forgiveness is necessary. I would say that what I would need, if I had had your experience, was the removal of anger. For my own physical health. I would need to work that anger out in a vigorous physical way, at the gym or on the track or renovating a house by myself. I would want to work to release the anger which I know I would feel for a long time.
I don't really trust people who don't believe in evil. I think those people can be as dangerous in their own way as the evil ones. I want to know there are people well aware of the dark capacities of mankind, and are prepared to fight against that.
To deny righteous anger is to deny a vital part of ourselves. It's what helps us survive. I know many disagree with me and think that love is the only solution. But I would rather they not be the ones walking with me down a dark path in Central Park at midnight.
Glad you are still on SR, Zoso. I enjoy your posts very much. Maybe you weren't needing any more responses. But I thought about this a couple of days and decided to post.