When I was living with an active alcoholic, I was crazy. They make us crazy!
When the alcoholic in my life told me something about myself, especially something negative, I took it as gospel. I took it totally to heart and she had the capacity, with words, to make me feel like crap. Even though she was a raging alcoholic, I made her my higher power and gave her the power to tell me about me.
I can't tell you how to fix that in your own life. For me, the first step was to recognize that I was allowed to have boundaries. I had no boundaries. I was like "Really, I'm allowed to have boundaries!?" I thought that's how marriage was supposed to be, no boundaries. But what an improvement! I still had problems and issues in my life...but I no longer gave her the authority to decide what they were.
It didn't happen overnight. And it wasn't something I could do by myself. For me, Al-Anon helped. A lot. If you want help, Al-Anon is cheap therapy.