I know how you feel. ((HUGS)). Last year my AX relapsed and I came home from a three-hour college class I was taking to find he'd moved out while I was at class. Can you imagine?
I couldn't take the roller coaster anymore either. He and I got back together after that, got engaged, moved back in together, etc. He could not stay sober. I could not live like that and broke it off.
It got to the point where I had a sick feeling in my stomach all the time, even when he was sober. Because I knew he could relapse at any second.
I am sad. I love him and miss him. But my life is so much better now that he's out of it. I know what I can expect, pretty much.
