Don't drink
Seriously...don't drink.
You say you wish to continue not drinking.
It's hard to quit drinking while drinking.
I think it's hard for people like us to just "be".
Can you just relax, and close your eyes and slow it down. Calm the mind and the thoughts that you need to go anywhere.
Any little ones to go and just sit with, talk to, read a story, "be" with...go "be" with your Dad?
If not, is there something you can read or a good movie to watch?
The thing the ones that love us want from us is our time. To be present is a gift. You don't have to go anywhere. I am sure all the love is right there where you are. No need to sabotage it by drinking.