"I have always drank this much. You just didn't notice before."
"I only have a beer or two. Why do you have a problem with that?" (On the day he drank 10 beers; I counted.)
(On the subject of giving up drinking) "What if I want to go out and go wine tasting with friends? What, I can't even do that?" (We live in wine country; we have never once gone out wine tasting. AH wouldn't know the difference between Turley and a bottle of Thunderbird)
"What if I want to go to a party and have a glass of wine, what's the big deal with that?"
"I have cut way back. I am now a regular social drinker." (Oh yeah? So that's why you travel with a half-gallon bottle of vodka in your suitcase and reek of booze 24/7?)
My personal favorite:
"I drink because of your damned horses." (Huh?)
"I will give up alcohol if you give up your damned horses" (Last I checked, there are no 12-step groups for women who ride horses)
Quack! Quack! Quack!