lizatola

I started thinking back over the past 17 years of my marriage. 15 years of which my AH was dry but still an *ss in many ways. I realized, looking back, that he is filled with self loathing, doesn't trust anybody, has an ego the size of the sun, and will justify bad behavior while making me look like the bad guy. He is one big pity party and I was always invited to join him at the table.

Here's a few good ones that I heard on a regular basis:

-I'm just waiting for you to find a boyfriend, you can't possibly love me
-I'm waiting for the day when I come home to find an empty house. That card you left me on the table, I just knew it was my note to move out(actually it was a love note I left him, but he can think what he wants, duh)
-I know, I know, I'm the bad guy because I'm a realist and always tell it like it is and nobody wants to hear the truth
-I don't know why you stay with me, I have nothing to give you
-Where did YOU put my (insert object here). It's all your fault because you touch my stuff(which I don't, by the way).
-I drank at night because all middle aged men drink after their wives and children go to bed. Our lives suck and society hates white men in America, just ask them.
-I would never drink and drive with our child in the car, why would you think that of me? (said the day after he did just that)
-No, my doctor didn't tell me NOT to drink while on the Paxil. You spend too much time on the internet, that's just for people who have a REAL drinking problem who drink all day every day. Certainly, not a health hazard for me, don't you see that?
-I broke my company provided computer because they messed up my commission plan and I have every right to break it.
-Other women let their husbands tell them how to drive, why do you have such a problem with it?
-You can't take a joke, why are you so sensitive?(which he says after he's genuinely hurt my feelings and can't handle my tears)

Oh, there are so many more but for some reason this AM, I was just feeling overwhelmed by it all. My therapist is having me do a lot of work on myself and I realize where some of my issues come from. I mean, having your husband who supposedly has committed his life to you say that he thinks you should find a boyfriend or that you'll leave him someday doesn't bode well for confidence in relationships. Then, throw in the drinking and the antidepressants the past 2 years and I am really in need of some serious emotional healing. Thank goodness for counseling and Al Anon!

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