Happy happy birthday!!!
Bottom line is, you can't trust him. He's not trustworthy, so it's wise of you to NOT trust him. The guilt is a habit and it takes time to change those. But be that as it may, today is YOUR day and you are worth the celebration, however you choose to enjoy it! You can deal with all of that tomorrow. Today is a celebration of YOU, and I'm grateful you were born and share this path with all of us.
Sending a big b-day hug,
posie