My ESH, nine months after my AH divorced me, I had been in al anon for over a year, he relapsed, he called me (first time in 9 months). I was so anxiuos waiting for his call ( My son told me his dad was drunk and wanted to talk to me), I took the rest of the day off and RUN to see him, I wanted to know if I was STRONG enough, I wanted for him to see how much I have grown, he beg me to come back to him to give him another chance, My committee was telling me yes, I want you back I want the control he was vulnerable I was powerful one more time.
What a big mistake, he used me and I used him...I went back to square one...why? Why did I do that to MYSELF and to HIM.
Now I understand that my addiction to him is the same as the alcoholic saying I can take that ONE drink now I am strong enough.
The cravings are horrible, the need is strong, but my HP is more powerful that all of them if I LET HIM.
Let go and let God!