I read the crash course on Sunday, decided to quit for good, was a spur of the moment thing after months of second guessing. I've literally written pages and pages of reasons for quitting, but my mind always came up with a reason to continue, Its ironic how creative our minds can be, how we backward rationalize. I like the idea of not having to compete with this inner dialogue anymore, I don't have to have a "net benefit" on my CBA to continue being sober. My attitude now is, even if there was a benefit to drinking, I still wouldn't do it, because I've already made a commitment for life and there's no second guessing. Any thought/feeling is AV of the Beast, not me. I used to be into ZEN buddhism and this makes sense.
One thing that's bothering me now is, what if I ever slip up just once. I've slipped up many times in the past, and my belief in my ability to control myself is at an all time low.
My biggest concern, is that I remain sober for a month or two, then try use the technique in other areas of my life, like to eat healthier, I could make a rule like
"I will quit carbs for good, will never eat takeouts again"
, and eventually slip up with the diet rule, because its not very practical or whatever, and then I lose all faith in my the method, and therefore lose all faith in my ability to remain sober...
Maybe I'm over thinking things and just gotta relax,
Anyway, I'm gonna get the book asap. I feel good about this except for the concern I mentioned.
Thanks very much.