Hi All... it's been a while since I posted. I have now been out of the home I shared with STBXAH for almost two months, and doing great for the most part. I am so glad I have my life back, and feel like "me" again... I had totally forgotten what that felt like and I don't think I was even aware of what a shell of my former self I had become... he broke my spirit bit by bit one day at a time over the 6 years I spent with him. Quite frankly, I have every single one of you to thank for where I am today. It was not until I started reading on SR that I was able to see my situation clearly and go the strength to leave. I'm not just saying this... really, it is true. SR changed my life.
Now, I just need a bit of a vent as I saw STBXAH today to go over our divorce settlement, as we are trying to amicably settle and use a mediator to write up the papers rather than spending $10k on attorney fees. Anyhow, the meeting went well overall. He is still drinking (no longer an alcoholic of course now that I'm not there nagging him, etc) and supposedly only socially drinks... quite honestly, I don't really care either way, just glad to be off the rollercoaster ride! Anyhow, as we were getting ready to leave (we met at a public place) he made some comment about being sad, etc... I reminded him that this was not my decision. He said "Well, it kind of was." I said "no, I told you what I would not tolerate (drinking) and you made a choice." So then he says, "Yeah, I know there were changes that I needed to make, but obviously I wasn't getting enough out of the relationship to want to make those changes...." and then got SUPER angry with me and saying how this isn't fault, I needed to change too, etc.... VERY unlike the old me, I just said that I didn't want to get into it, stood up and said that I thought it was time to go. He then hugged me. gave me a kiss on the cheek (ewww) and told me he loved me as I was walking away... UGH, I know better than to think that he will EVER accept any responsibility for any of this but it's still frustrating nonetheless....
(this of course after weeks him begging me to get back together, wasting our $$ on expensive flowers sent to me, etc)