My XAH was never violent or even all that rude, but he didn't do anything at all. Not housework, not get a job, not nothing. He "read the paper" for hours, and smoked and drank. And slept. And not really anything else.
I found refuge in AlAnon for several years. It helped me stay sane while I was still married, and I'd recommend it highly. Ultimately, I couldn't take it any longer and I left (granted, that was after 8 years of therapy and Al-Anon and interventions and rehabs for him.)
I hope you find peace, and the support you need.