Jake, for me, Step 1 is all about surrender and acceptance. It doesn't necessarily mean that you are a weak person who can't take charge of your own recovery - it just means that you accept that where it comes to alcohol, you have not been in control. Once we take that first drink, we're finished ... it's like releasing the brakes on a runaway train. Have you read the Doctor's Opinion? It describes perfectly what happens to the alcoholic once that first drink is taken ... all control is lost. Basically, that's what Step 1 is about; acknowledging that where it comes to alcohol, we have no control. It DOESN'T mean that we are weak people who can't get sober. I hope that makes sense.
As far as Steps 2 and 3, let me ask you this: have you been able to get sober on your own, without help? Do you have the power within you to stop and stay stopped? Many of us don't. I didn't. It was only through surrendering my alcoholism to a power greater than myself and asking for help that I finally managed to give up the booze and get sober.
You're gonna have trouble with Step 11 if you're struggling with 2 & 3, because again, that relates to your higher power and surrender/acceptance. My higher power is God, and by turning my will and my life over to him to guide me and to do his will in my life, I am letting go of myself and my selfish way of living. In Step 11 we make the decision to let God (or whatever your higher power is) guide your life rather than living just for yourself. Living for ourselves is what helped make us alcoholic in the first place ... when we allow God/our higher power to direct our lives instead of making selfish choices, we find that we are living a more honest life - one that puts others first. That's when good things happen ... and in helping others, we are also helping ourselves.
Does any of this make sense? I haven't had my morning quota of coffee yet.
