Originally Posted by
Gavinandnikki 
I think I'm gettin close too. My beast cringes and goes nuts when I even think about, " I will NEVER drink again, forever, for the rest of my life". If I say that, it will be because I mean it.
The wine on St. Paddy's day was because it was offerred to me and I just said...what the f..... Had one glass. Didn't taste good. Didn't want more.
The martinis were on my birthday. My favorite restaurant. My alcoholic husband ordered wine. I sat there, staring, my AV said to me..."come on, it's your birthday....". I said "why hello Beast, I think I will have one". Tasted pretty good, so had another.
Spent 200$ on food, vomited it up on the way home because the booze made me sick. Did not enjoy that at all.
Thank you so much for engaging me and responding to my posts. Really helps me continue to think.
Pam
It sounds to me like you understand what is at stake in becoming permanently abstinent. Are you including illegal drug and prescription drug abuse in your Big Plan contemplations? I noticed in another thread you mentioned something about your having a tendency to like the pleasure of drugs as well.
I was a binge drinker and pot smoker. I knew I had to quit for periods to be able to con the world into thinking I was OK. I knew I wasn't, but my AV got pretty obstinate and domineering as I tried to plan out each new binge.
You clearly have a dominant AV. It doesn't hesitate to take an oath - "I swear, If I have to listen to some of the religious stuff that goes on in another AA meeting, I WILL pick up a drink." So, it's not that you have an aversion to oaths, otherwise It probably wouldn't be so quick to make one.