Pock I am so sorry. I posted the last response before reading the whole thread. I want to say I have felt some of the things you were feeling while you were with your ex. I worry about him, but ironically I rarely worry about his relapse. Once in a while that crosses my mind but not often. I am sorry that things worked out the way they did, but honestly how cruel and heartless he was to you speaks volumes about him and his character. You are probably better off without him if that is who he is. All break ups where feelings are involved are hard, but you will survive, you will pick up your pieces and you will be better than ok. You have to, you are all you have. It is up to you to write on your wall of destiny and to give yourself all you deserve. You can and should be your best friend. Take care of you and again if you need to talk you can contact me.