djayr

Hi Everyone--

I have been lurking around these boards for years, husband to AW of 17 years. We are legally separated as of last November, but we continue to co-own a house and live together in a semblance of "normal" which is of course utterly abnormal. There are no kids involved.

This is a story of an AW who ignores, destroys, and abandons every healthy relationship with normal people who care about her, and instead takes up with other drunks and losers -- all the while acting like she is a nice Christian woman who is normal and isn't doing anything slightly immoral or out of the ordinary. (Who repeatedly says she wants to save her marriage and tries to maintain appearances of a functional household.)

AW has a recent new "friend" aka a stalker, another unhealthy friendship with a male who she claims is simply a co-worker and acquaintance. He calls our home phone repeatedly to talk to AW, and I can tell from the conversations that he is an abusive jerk. He will call back 10 times in a row, that sort of thing. AW doesn't have a lot to say about him, but I know she spends a decent portion of her free time with him. She HATES to be alone.

The reason I am posting is that I picked up the phone to talk to this guy yesterday. He said he is in love with AW, obsessed with her in fact, that he would like to spend 24/7 with her -- but he doesn't understand why she is lying to him! He said that they have been f****ng for 10 months and that whenever I go on vacation or a trip, he moves into my house!

I am a normal, well educated business professional age 44. This guy is a burn-out cook in his mid-50's with a drinking problem.

What is simply amazing to me is that AW has taken a position of denial on this and every similar situation (yes, there are about 3-4 others over the past 18 months since she fell of the wagon) -- literally representing herself as a virginal, perfect Mother Theresa who has not once, not ever, cheated on me!!

She acts utterly baffled, confused, and mildly insulted as I point out the Mt. Everest of circumstantial evidence proving her affairs. This drives me crazy -- do these A's EVER admit to anything!?!

I told her a lot of things yesterday, probably sounding like a broken record (your drinking is destroying your life, your drinking is the reason for your ruined marriage, this would be a good time to get clean etc.) -- but the main 2 things I said:

1. THANK GOD we are legally separated; and,
2. THANK GOD I found a little apartment and I am moving out MAY 1.

She continues to say that our relationship is important to her -- that our marriage is the best thing that ever happened to her -- that she is a "fighter" and will do anything to save our marriage. But this woman is completely, totally full of you-know-what.

As I looked for apartments, I asked God for a sign that I am doing the right thing. As we all know, it's not always clear. This time it is -- I don't just have one "burning bush" -- I have about 5 of them!

* perfect apartment nearby with a 3 month lease, and cheap.
* AW crawls in bed and wets MY bed (we sleep in separate bedrooms) the night before I need to decide whether to take the apartment.
* AW gets OWI #2 (0.35 bac) the day after I take the apartment, and demonstrates only temporary remorse.
* Life at home is particularly hellish with this jerk calling all the time.
* Drunken friend of hers comes to our house and passes out yesterday giving me 2X the fun.

What is the point of this post? Mostly venting. But also to share my great, great sense of RELIEF that filing for divorce, going through the agonzing and expensive process legal separation, and now finding my own place -- these were difficult but WORTHWHILE protections to put in place.

And I still feel like I love her. I love my AW when she is sober. She is beautiful and sweet. That is probably twisted to say this about someone who has shredded my heart, but I really do mean it. The main word I have for this is sad. It's very sad yet somehow I am unable to cry -- I guess that part comes later, right?

Thanks for listening.