Hi gurlie - thanks for writing. I totally hear where you are coming from and sorry you are going through the anxiety you are feeling. I was with my XAH for about 7 years. He went off the "deep end" last year (DOC - cocaine). He went into rehab and then relapsed for 6 months. The difference is I didn't let him come home after rehab....would that have made a difference? I don't know.
I agree with a lot of the posts up here...for me, I couldn't have had him back home. The lies and deception had gone on far too long. I just realized recently (he told me) how much he had been using during our marriage.
I hope you find peace and serenity in your quest for healing. I hope that you both continue to have honest and compassionate dialogue.
Believe me - I know all about the insecurity you mention above. My problem was I lived in the "fear" every day and I decided I couldn't do it any more. It wasn't fair to him, but most of all, it wasn't fair to me.
Good for you on getting your advanced degree - that is fantastic...I am sure we can all learn a lot from you as well.