Dear Broken Wife 2012,
May I ask how old you both are and how many years you are married?
My alcoholic husband is 59, I just turned 58 and back in November we celebrated our 31st anniversary YET we have been separated for a little over 2 years.
The reason why I ask is because about 8 years ago, my H started pulling away from me emotionally then eventually sexually. He stopped wearing his wedding band and his drinking of wine kept increasing. Apparently he was unhappy with our marriage. Did he ever discuss this with me? NO. Instead he would fight with me over stupid stuff then claim he wanted a divorce. Over 31 years, we have been to 5 different marriage counselors. Each year got worse BUT it was mixed with good memories and he saying he loved me.
3 years ago it really took a downward spiral. The lies, claiming he was working late but coming home at 1 am, stone cold drunk. We have 2 adult sons, an empty nest they had no clue what was going on. Although I suspected him cheating on me, he claimed he wasn't. So, it was because of the drinking that I pushed him out. Well, I was right about the infidelity.
Since then he has tried to come back. I do know we love each other but something was always standing in the way - ALCOHOL. Back in late Feb. he FINALLY admitted to me he had a drinking problem. He was sober for 4 days. During this same time I discovered he never stopped being with his ex lover.
I haven't talked to him in 2 weeks now. I am done.
What I have learned from this forum and another one I found strictly with AA PLUS what I learned from Al Anon, I do believe all this confusion of I want you, I love, I don't want to be married to you, comes from alcohol.
They don't know what they want. Alcohol doesn't let them have feelings / emotions.
I don't know if I helped you.
What I am trying to say is this....maybe because your husband is really missing his drink, feeling the bad side effects of not drinking, he is resenting you & the marriage, just like I believe my husband is with me.
The way I view my husband, he wants me and the comfort of his family BUT he wants his drinking buddy, his lover. I draw the line. NO WAY.
I am not divorcing strictly because I have both of my sons getting married in 2013. I need money for that. Besides, I don't have a special person in my life now.
I still need to get over my H. I still love him...it is hard to accept that the marriage is really over when your spouse says, " you are the love of my life. "
Did I make any sense ?? Did it help you ?? God, I hope so. I am still confused.