Just like they tell him while he is in recovery, you need to take it one day at a time, too. So, just for TODAY, take care of yourself. Be good to yourself. Work through each emotion and it's okay to feel all of the things you're feeling. It is normal. It's going to suck for a while and hurt. It helps to talk to people on this site, vent and what helped me get out of that dark place is prayer. I went to meetings and I saw a therapist, but nothing healed my broken heart more than my relationship with God. What worked for ME, is prayer and fellowship. I found joy again and peace.
The first time he let me down was the hardest. I didn't find out he was messing with meth until he was arrested. In my car! He served a year in jail. Not only did I have to deal with the mess he left behind financially, but emotionally, I had no closure. I was left with a big question mark - why did he do this to me? Why doesn't he love me? Why doesn't he care? I cried so much, the area around my eyes was tender and had cuts and tears. I couldn't eat, sleep, go to work. I couldn't function. I was so lost without him. I missed him, hated him, wanted to save him. WHAT A HUGE RED FLAG. I can tell you that he let me down about 1000 times since and became open and "honest" with his addiction: "I don't want to have to lie to you, so when I walk into the ER, can you please just wait in the car or go to another area? I need to get my pain pills, okay? Don't mess this up. I don't want you talking to the Doctor." Once I accepted the fact that he was going to let me down and do all of the things an addict does, I was able to heal my own heart. I love him for who he is, where he is. And I have to remind myself that it's HIS struggle, not my own. Girl, you have no ties to him, let him go! Let him fall, let him hit rock bottom. Let him figure it out, let him check himself into detox and rehab and worry about money. Let him lose his job, his car, his family, friends, home/apt. Let him live his life the way he chooses. You don't need to take care of a man ... that is just the beginning of what should be and shouldn't be.
Also, the more I tried to help him, the meaner he was to me. The more demanding he became. The more abusive. The more resentful. He resented me for loving him and trying to help him. The more he lost respect for me. SICKNESS.
Remember addiction is selfish. It isn't personal. It's not about you. It's about him.
My X broke up with me when he wanted to use. He picked fights, turned situations around, was manipulative, used gas-lighting behaviors, ignored me (turned off his phone, disappeared), was emotionally abusive AND deprived me, emotionally. I became used to this type of relationship. ALL because he wanted to use drugs without me getting in the way or trying to talk him out of it. It's shameful, too. When he wanted to be clean and sober and needed to kick, he loved me so much and I was the best thing for him. I don't believe that "he didn't love me." He did. He still does. But his idea of love, especially in active addiction is distorted. Love couldn't save him. Love wasn't enough. To love another, you need to love yourself. Does he love himself?
There are SOO many things I miss about my X and it's okay to feel a sadness and heaviness in your heart. You're grieving. There are wonderful qualities about my X that I haven't been able to find in others (I know people will disagree, but he was so original and unique and GORGEOUS) ... however, the bad completely outweigh the good. Who cares if he is well read and educated and went to bible college if he doesn't use it? Who cares if he can write music and play the guitar when he'd much rather get high all day and sleep? Who cares if he is good-looking? He shoots heroin!!! I had to re-evaluate our relationship every day when I would start to feel that codependency. Visit the thread: What I don't miss. That would get me through the hard days. I DO NOT miss addiction. I DO NOT miss having to tell my friends and family that my boyfriend is in jail or prison or in rehab while I am in college! I DO NOT miss hearing about his daily struggles and being there for him and never having the opportunity to have him be there for me. He won't. You will be alone and feel alone.
Another thing, be careful who you share what with. We broke up and got back together plenty of times. Every time I would cry to my friends and family members, they grew to despise him. After a while, his own Mother told me to leave for good.
Exercise, take a class, read a book, find a hobby, go to church/bible study, volunteer ... there are so many things you can do to get your mind off of him for TODAY.
DO NOT drown your sorrows in alcohol or partying with your girls. DO NOT start sleeping around. DO NOT look for someone, anyone to fulfill you or ease the pain. You are precious and your body is a temple. Take some time and heal your broken heart and do some soul-searching.
STOP the mindset: After everything I did for him! Give freely and without expectations or don't give at all. Set boundaries for yourself. He will break all of the rules, boundaries and promises. He will do what is wrong, morally, ethically ... so don't be surprised. He will do ANYTHING for heroin. TRUST.
Count your blessings and thank God for everything He has given you AND everything He has saved you from.