pock, i just realized last week that i am addicted to my adddict as well. codependent is the watered down way of putting things. it was quite disturbing to say the least to realize this. when she came in town to visit i was on a high, then when she relapsed...i started my wiithdrawls. its crazy how your body reacts, i was queezy, no appetite, sick to my stomach, dry heaving. she got the first flight back out to SL asap, a good sign for her to say the least. but just like you i have to focus on myself and not worry about her. i went to another meeting that night, and spoke up about needing a sponsor. people reached out. i now have a sponsor, and i am ready to start working on me. i say all this because i know EXACTLY how you feel right now. and it is all still so fresh in my mind, but the focus has to be on what is right in front of me at this moment. so i say to you, reach out and let a sponsor guide you.