Nothing makes sense to me. He opened up more yesterday and even started yelling. Hell, at that point, the yelling was a gift. He wasn't yelling at me either. He tried being cruel but I know why he was doing that. He wants to make it easier for me to walk away. Well, that doesn't work. He went through his day to day struggle with not drinking (or trying to not drink) with me, opening up so much and even crying. It pains me to see him go through this. But he will have to go it alone, on his own. I don't believe him when he talks about us. How can I? I want to. I really do. I want to be able to look at him and feel nothing. I want to be able to look at him and see that he feels nothing. I try convincing myself everyday that this is truly how he feels. But, I fail to believe my own ****, just as I fail to believe his. I understand that he is not the same man, even though I believe that he is in there somewhere. My bouncing back and forth of wanting to walk away and trying my hardest to find us again is exhausting. My heart and head tell me to fight. But I am going to have to stop listening to anything that I am feeling or thinking. I will have to move forward. I don't know where I am going to start, but I will figure it out.