I still wake up in the middle of the night wondering if there is something else I have not done or tried to do to help him. Then I realize there is not. My AH knows where to go for help. He just needs to decide to do it. Thinking about him takes away from me. I know that sounds selfish but at this point I realize all the time and energy I invested in him and his drinking that eventually made me feel anxious, resentful and angry. I don't want to live my life that way any more.
You have done the right thing by deciding to go NC. Those thoughts are just a slip back into co dependency. We all have those moments. These boards are a good reality check.