I think finding the proof turns a certain switch on in my head--the "hang on, it's gonna be a bumpy ride" switch. I think knowing makes it easier for me. But I know I shouldn't have looked at his private messages. I'm not quite at that level of detachment, unfortunately. But something changed in me when he went to rehab. I learned that he is his own person, and his life is his to live. I really, relly got that he was a separate person, and that I could no longer protect him. I still feel that way today. Paying helps.
