hardboiled

Hi everyone, this my my first post here and I'm hoping to find some good advice from people with experience dealing with similar issues.

I used to drink pretty regularly but for various reasons have been trying to cut back. So instead of drinking most days I just drink occasionally. The problem is those occasions when I do drink become a disaster. I have a few drinks, lose control and can't stop. The following day I'm hungover, embarassed and ashamed, and from what little bits I can remember just see myself having acted like a complete idiot. On the good days I don't cause any truble but still am still probably remembered as "that guy." On the bad days I get violent, which has caused other problems.

I find myself falling into the same cycle over and over again. I decide I'm gunna clean myself up and avoid alcohol but after a few days, a week or however long I can last I just give up and drink again. Consciously I know there are a lot of reasons to stop, but I just wonder, are those reasons really that important? The shame and embarassment after each binge, all the bridges I've burned, and times I've made a fool of myself alone should be reason enough to stop. But for some reason I just find myself not caring enough to stay sober. I'm recovering from a recent binge and as part of the pattern I try find some way to control myself, which obviously hasn't worked yet. I'm just concerned I'll ultimately end up repeating the cycle. I feel like I don't have a lot to make a lasting positive change worthwhile. I'm trying to find a reason to stop that will sustain me for the long haul.