Pigtails

Hi Armywife. I'm on Step 4 and first I wrote my flaws and assets, now I made a list of people I have resentments against, with the columns for how it affected me and what my part was in it. I think looking at our own part in things is key -- we start to see patterns and how we can change our own behavior so as to do things differently. My sponsor also gave me some inventory worksheets, such as a sex inventory etc. They are all available here: http://www.royy.com/step4.pdf (these are the exact same ones my sponsor gave me). I haven't gotten that far yet. Also reading the fourth step in the Big Book and the 12 X 12 is helpful.

To be honest I don't use my sponsor that much... she is more like a friend or she lends me a listening ear when I need it but she's not available to me 24/7 because she has two kids and a job and a boyfriend etc... I don't expect her to be my whole life. (Originally I was supposed to call her everyday, and I probably should, but I never really did that because I too am very busy with a lot of different things going on and just honestly feel like I don't have time to talk with her everyday -- often I will go to meetings or talk to other people in AA, or do my step work and journal -- it's not that I ignore the program, it's just that my sponsor is only one part of it, and not even a very big part. I meet with her once a week to do the steps when both of us are available or if I need her. During step four I haven't met with her in that capacity for a couple weeks because it's slow going for me. I am having dinner with her tonight but that's more of friends than doing step work.) However in the beginning I'd rely on her too much-- I would expect her to call me or to prompt me to do things... and I would get worried or mad if she wasn't immediately available, if she didn't say the right things, or if other people in AA weren't as "supportive" as I thought they should be.

Now I realize that human beings are fallible and let us down. All we have is ourselves. Yes we can use the group as our higher power but that means we make efforts to go to group, to reach out to people, to be of service, to work the steps... it doesn't mean that the members in the group are going to be able to do the work for us or always be there for us. So I would recommend doing the step work on your own and talking about it at meetings and to other members, and trying to find a different sponsor who is more available. There are people in my group who have long-distance sponsors, perhaps that might work for you if no one face to face is working? Just a thought. Best wishes. Keep working on it and don't drink, you're worth it.