Yes and No. The way I see it, he doesn't have it in him to initiate the actual divorce. If I do it, then it's easier and taken care of. But I also really don't even think he knows exactly what he wants. We spoke last night and I did demand answers...problem is, he couldn't give any. All he keeps saying is that I deserve better, better than he has given and better than he thinks he can ever give. So, I think he is running away, or at least trying to. I feel he is ashamed of how out of control his drinking became. All the lonely nights of drinking hasn't helped either. And there have been oh so many of those. I won't make excuses for him but as I am learning so much about alcoholism, I am understanding things. Things that I never thought I would understand.
After about 2 hours of talking, which again he was able to speak more, I told him that I'm not going to give in to this because then in a sense I am giving up. It's not what I want to do. I won't move forward with anything until I am ready. Once he is sober, completely sober, done with detox and has somewhat of a clear mind (if that's possible) then we can address this again. I know he will regret this decision but I also know him very well...once he makes a decision he will follow through just to prove a point. But this is a whole new thing. He has admitted only 1 time that he is an alcoholic. He is having a very difficult time facing that truth.
This doesn't mean all is forgotten by any means, but like I said, I choose to love him still. Until I know I've done it all, then I'm in it all the way.
This might not turn out any different later down the line and I am well aware of that. But maybe, at that time, there will be answers.
I don't trust him much. And I don't know if I will for a very long time.