Angrywife,
I have not posted in a while as I am going through the same mess with my ABF. We have a two year old son who now knows his dad drinks beer. Very sad situation and not one I would have ever wanted for myself or my son in a million years. I understand the desperation to want to get out but not being able to .. for whatever reason.
My reason for staying is purely financial. I simply cannot afford childcare and my own apartment. I live in Southern California, and it is NOT cheap to live here. I am going back to school to get my accounting degree so that I can earn enough to leave him. If he were to get help and change, I would probably try to work it out in counseling and work on our relationship. But, you can't work on a relationship with an active alcoholic. It just doesn't work. I will only be in this relationship as long as I have to to be able to get out on my own. I cannot count on him for financial help (ie child support) because he is completely irresponsible and most of his money goes to drinking. Extra money I should say because I do make him pay half of the rent, childcare, bills, etc. There are times when I have to buy all the food because his extra money isn't enough to support his food habit (and his sons) over his alcohol habit.
I know it's tough. I have learned one thing in dealing with this beast called alcoholism and that is that nobody can tell you how to live, how long to stay, etc. You are living your life, and you will know when it is time. I have heard we all reach our breaking point, and I believe that is true. Apparently, I have not absolutely reached mine, but I can say I am walking closer in that direction.
I haven't been around here much because working full time, caring for a toddler, and going to school full time is pretty much all I can handle at this point. But I have been lurking from time to time, because I find so much strength here in F&F. These stories, OUR stories, are so similar and familiar that there is comfort in knowing we are not alone.
I have no doubt that each of us will make it out in our own due time. I KNOW what a real relationship is like because I have been in one. That is another story, but I also know that living with someone who loves and LIVES for drinking every day is not love. It isn't love to me, to him or to our child. Love is reciprocal, it doesn't drain and kill another human being who waits in the wings hoping and praying for a different outcome. Only we can choose our outcomes, for us and our children. You will find your way, of that, I am certain.
Peace & Love
CS