Seriously...why?
I don't get it.
Why do I keep going back to it? I know I have to do something different. I realize this. And I will. Because I really want to beat this thing. But why do I think about it all the time. The thoughts are all consuming...
I feel like I "can't" quit. That life will suck. That it will be miserable. I mean, when I was sober it really wasn't bad...and I felt fine...so what?
I guess it is sort of a rhetorical question.
I know that it is my addictive voice.
I should have read more into avrt...now my relationship is hanging on by a thread and my sanity along with it.
What's worse is that that stupid voice is saying that "hey, if you lose your boyfriend, keep on drinkin!".
Stupidest thing ever.
I know I keep posting. Keep trying. At least I am trying, right? I just feel like I am wasting space on this forum.
I am so sad.