When my sister's husband left her for another woman (a friend of hers), she been married 20 years, she NEVER call him and had no contact ( seven years now), Me, I could not stand not talking to him or making his life misserable just like mine was (he always told me missery loves company).
His belief became my beliefs, his opinions became my opinions, his moods became my moods, his personality became my personality.
He left and had no problem with no contact (17 years together), He has been my fix, if I had anxiety all I needed to do was call him, even if he did not answer the phone, just to dial his number was enough to calm me down.
If something goes wrong in my head (life), my immediate reaction is to contact XAH, for some reason my brain thinks that he will give me the fix I need to avoid the emotion I am feeling.
I am FIGHTING that thought really hard, thanks to all the helpful programs and all my reading and praying is finally working, I am learning to face my emotions without the need to shift the blame to the A.