faithfully,
You are getting excellent advice here so not much I can add overall but something Laurie posted gave me an idea.
Perhaps you could just take a first step at removing yourself from this situation. Commit to removing yourself and support for one month.....see what happens and then re-assess. Give him the opportunity to make some decisions and take action for himself. And...more importantly give yourself a break and time to understand better what you need to do to help you!
I think if you can create some distance for yourself you may be surprised at the positive results all around.