Thanks Kanamit - and everyone else who has replied.
I'm feeling great.
Had a dream last night I was in an AA meeting and everyone was sharing and I had this inwardly sickly uneasy, excited feeling (in the dream) that OK so I'm an alcoholic which means I may relapse at some stage UNLESS I work a good program blah blah blah
Woke up realising that this was the problem for me with AA- the uncertainty which ultimately feeds the Beast and my AV and excitable ideas about future drinking.
All I know is I will never drink again and I will never change my mind. I dont care what 'It' wants.
There is an incredible freedom and peace in this. Like last night my husband wanted to drink wine - I had been drinking up until a few days ago so he assumed I would also partake (poor guy he's seen me drinking then calling myself an alcoholic and running back to meetings and asking him to 'support' me and not have it around me then me drinking again - YIKES). I simply said Im not drinking no thanks. And there was no urge and no AV actually - which I know is neither here nor there because even if there had been I would have identified it for what it was and simply repeated my Big Plan.
A subtle Beast attack I noticed this morning though. Since becoming abstinent I'm finally embarking on my new health regime which I've wanted to do for months but being back in AA I was like - slowly slowly dont do too many things at once. Focus on your recovery first and then you can deal with that blah blah blah.
Anyway - I'm fully into my new program and feeling fantastic, alcohol free and heaps of energy from how I'm eating etc.. Then a voice in the shower that said "you are totally obsessed with this eating thing huh?. what happens when it wears off? do you think you're just replacing the drinking obsession with the new regime??
I identified straight away it was my AV. And I said I will never drink again and I will never change my mind. Even if I wasnt doing this I woudnt be drinking because I never drink.
And then it piped down