Hi Lucy, my problem with drinking and the solution is extremely similar to yours. I am a binge drinker on the weekends and functional during the week days for the most part. I decided to get sober after a bad drinking binge in early February and I lasted until March 17 when I caved and went out with friends for St Patricks day and got bombed of course. Although I was able to stay sober for over a month with the help of this site (the longest I've gone not drinking since high school), I realized that it wasn't enough for the long term. HOWEVER, I have tried to go to meetings on several occasions and I get SO nervous that I don't go in- like paralyzing fear. I drive to them and can't get out of the car, I start to panic in a way that I can't even talk myself out of it. Talking to people who I don't know is uncomfortable for me and I am a naturally private person- I'm not really into talking about myself (or my problems) to many people. I am still considering *trying* to get myself to go to a meeting. I completely relate, though, to how you don't think you benefit in the meetings when you get so nervous- this happens to me when I have to talk in front of a group of people as well. I did make an appointment with a highly respected addictions counselor in my area, so I am hoping that can help me to sort things out and stay with this in the long haul. Face to face support is important, so I'm still not ruling out AA, but the large group atmosphere makes me very uncomfortable. Maybe I'll come around for it. Good luck- def make an appt with a counselor!