Hi all. I'm going to try this again...for what feels like the millionth time. Quitting, that is. I feel like I've been on this site before but when I asked for my password to be re-sent it didn't recognize my email, so maybe not. Anyhoo.
I'm an alcoholic. My Dad was, my Grandparents were and no doubt countless others in our family. My sister is an addict (meth, pills), active and living with our Mom and destroying her home and sapping away all her money. My Mom obviously is co-dependent.
I binge drink, going a couple days without and then for whatever reason (good news, bad news, stress, nice weather, storms, depression) I decide a few beers is a great idea and sit down to polish of 10-12 and then going to bed. I wake up ok-ish, function ok-ish that day (though I work from home, so it's easier). I also take a very small dose of Paxil for anxiety/panic attacks over the last year since an accident in which I snapped both bones in my lower leg (sober! what are the odds!).
My drinking has increased steadily since my Dad died 4 years ago of cancer. I think it has become my way of retreating from feeling. I work all day between my business and being a Mom and home owner...some nights I think I just reach for a bottle as a way to force myself to take a break. It used to be a reward, one beer every Friday night..maybe a part of me still clings to that concept. But it's not a reward, it's killing me. My body hurts, I've gained weight (having a broken leg last year didn't help that either), I'm forgetful and just completely ashamed and miserable.
Anyway, I'm not a meeting person, I'm not a religious person either and have some social anxiety which is part of why I run my business from home. I am hoping to find some friends here who can relate to me to talk with as I try (again) to quit. So hello, and thanks for being here.
