>>I don't get this with addicts. I'm still angry about this, I realize: You don't get a pat on the back and an attaboy for behaving like a normal civilized human being. You don't automatically get forgiveness for years of behaving like an ass just because you happen to manage to NOT behave like an ass for a brief period of time.
(((((saljay)))))
My mother did a lot of 'praising' to me during my first 3 years of recovery. I finally got the courage to sit down with her and say:
"Mom will you please STOP praising me for something that I should have been doing all these years, being a productive citizen of our society."
She replied something to the effect of:
"Sweetie, I am not praising you for something you should have been doing all this time. I am praising your HARD WORK and your CONTINUED GROWTH to get to the point of being able to continue to grow and change and LIVING a life that you should have been doing all along."
Wheeeew what a relief as it had really bothered me. I just knew I did not deserve praise, just because I was sober and clean. She was praising MY 'EFFORTS' and 'MY STICK TO ITness', and MY 'TENACITY'. She said she saw something in me she had NEVER seen before.
That I could life with. It was not until years later that I realized that my 'icky' feelings when she would 'praise' me was growth in and of itself. I had realized, I was just doing and living my life the way I was suppose to all along, lol
I relate the above, to show and most of those that I have known and that I still know reach the same conclusion I did and as they 'grow and change' they understand where the 'praise' is coming from, but do not allow it to 'go to their head.'
J M H O
Love and hugs,