Old 04-08-2012, 01:48 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
stilllearning
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 218
I'm an RA and part of my amends to my family and loved ones is never to cause them worry if there needn't be any. I call or text when I've arrived when I'm traveling for business, I call or text immediately if I'm running late or stuck in traffic when I'm due to meet them. I would never, eevvverrr "vanish" on them. That's cruel behavior even for someone who hasn't ever had a substance abuse problem but it would be unforgivable for me to do that to them.

As long as I'm sober, there is no need to disappear. I'm afraid that going periods off radar screams binge to me - I had an alcoholic boyfriend a few years back and before I knew he had a problem, this is what he would do. Puzzling, heartbreaking and ultimately, alcoholism.

This is either acceptable to you or not. You get to choose. Wouldn't matter if they were just whittling wood - anyone who would put me through that kind of worry would be a no-no these days. You might want to see if you can find some Toby Rice Drews literature - she writes a great chapter about how we never get the adrenaline rush from sober partners. People who come home on time, eat dinner with you and call when they say they will don't give us the adrenaline rollercoaster - but they don'y cause the codependent death spiral either. I'll gladly forego the adrenaline these days.

Take what you like and leave the rest,

SL.
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