because I screwed up it's like I'm fearing that the 'magic' and simplicity of this program is no longer available to me - this is pure AV though isnt it?
Sounds like the AV to me, Peta. I'm not an expert in AVRT—I'd describe my approach as AVRTesque, though I only realized that later on, after reading what TU and some of the other folks here posted. Hopefully they will be along soon, and can probably offer much better insights than I can. But for now you're stuck with me!
Somehow early on I intuitively realized I needed to separate myself from the desire to drink. The single most important thing for me was when I not only accepted that I could never drink again, but embraced it. So yes, I can see how a failure to commit entirely could be the reason for drinking. For me, at least, that made all the difference in the world. Simple, yes, but no magic at all. Quite the contrary. And I can't see any reason why it's not still available to you, or anyone else for that matter.
Glad you're back!