I'm so sorry, justrae, for your deep deep pain and shock. There are plenty here among us who have been completely gutted, completely leveled, who have known the mindf***ing emotional assault of a calculated, grandiose, cold-as-ice, narcissistic addict trying to get even.
I believe he is trying to get even, justrae. I believe his texts to you are calculated to provoke the exact devastation you are feeling and to emotionally destroy you.
I think you are so broken by this because you have known him in a different way, over the last six years, and this experience with him now seems like a nightmare. Something unimaginable to you when once you were happy with him.
It is all lies, justrae. Every word of his poisonous texts to you is a lie. And believe me, dear, this will eventually be made clear to you. Right now you are too distraught to understand. But eventually you will know what he has tried to do to you with these texts. Eventually you will see the emotional violence.
Your tears and devastation are rooted in shock. Many of us here have been shocked this way, and many of us were insane with grief over it for a long long time.
Call your closest friends, tell them you are in trouble, ask them to come and be with you, spend a week with you, ask them to pray for you, tell them you are in trouble.
Even if they don't understand why in the world you would suffer over a man like this, if they love you they will hold you up anyway.
Then be sure to get some help. Counseling. A priest. Anyone who can help you put your shattered self back together again.
Some of us......we are very naive about what addicts are capable of. About what sick people in general are capable of. When our innocence is shattered, the glass flies everywhere.
You will survive this. And one day you will look back and you will understand everything that happened. It won't hurt anymore.