Justrae
It sounds to me like you put all of your heart and soul into this relationship for the six years.
I'm not clear who really broke it off; sounds like it might have been mutual at the time....but maybe you in part were acting out of tough love sending him away to find recovery....and really waiting on him to find it and come back. That was a gamble.
Ive never broken up or experienced this situation with an addict BF, but I've ended normal relationships before. *When you discover that it's not working and won't go the distance - I feel ending it is the right thing to do, even if it hurts.*
And then what I've experienced is that you have to mourn the future / *the plans that you expected to have with this man.
I'm no psychiatrist either (by any means) but maybe it would be helpful to talk to your therapist about those dreams that were lost.*
Once you do that, maybe you can begin to focus on new dreams, *new goals for yourself.*
I think also, it's really difficult to hear about an ex' present life when your not fully resolved with your past with him. *I think it would bring those old dreams back to life.
I also wonder .... Is it possible you are hoping things won't work out for him in this new relationship and maybe if you stay attached and in contact - possibilities will occur?*
You don't even have to answer that here, but think about it.*
Ask yourself why? And is that what you really want to do?
It's another gamble.
Keep in mind - You will find another fishy..... I did.
Wishing you peace