I was in your shoes until one day my psychiatrist said to me "just accept what's happened and move on".
I think he must have said that a number of times before, or maybe a thousand times, but this ONE day, all of a sudden it was like a light bulb in my head that went on. And I stood outside of myself, looking in, and realized this is what I need to do.
As if it's some great revelation! right!
But, from that day on, I was emotionally disconnected from my ex. I saw him and felt nothing. Like I was looking at a stranger. A weird man that I don't know and yet there was a disgust about him. Some kind of ugliness that use to have a control over me.
But now I was free.